I Never Allowed You To Steal My Heart
by seriously em
Summary: …once you were the one to lift the troubles off my shoulders. You would scare away the monsters that haunted my thoughts after a patient died. With strong arms you would shield me from the world…[Addek]


**A/N;** This story is doing several things actually. 1 it is to deal with my feelings today. 2 it is to get the Addekness out of my system for a while at least, lol. And 3…well I didn't have a 3 but it sounded better with 3 then 2…anyway this is as of now a one-shot, if you want it to be a…uhm more-shot? Well you get the idea, then let me know.

This takes place in season 4 after the MerDer stuff only Addison never left Seattle.

**I Never Allowed You To Steal My Heart**

**Summary:** You made your choice. There is no '10 days refundable' clause to our relationship. So how did all those small mistakes really lead up to this point? The point when we are both miserable and alone…wishing for way to turn the clock around…even if it is just for a few seconds so I can say that I love you while I was still allowed.

**Disclaimer:**I don't own greys nor the characters…but one day I will own a show that is just mine…yes a girl is allowed dreams, lol

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…_once you were the one to lift the troubles off my shoulders. You would scare away the monsters that haunted my thoughts after a patient died. With strong arms you would shield me from the world…_

No one ever prepared me for this. No one ever sat me down and said here is the map to you life; these are the points when you will crumble and just around…here, you will be at your strongest. Then again I always pictured my life perfect, I mean how could I possibly not? I had the good grades, I had the job everyone envied and I had the man of my dreams.

Had being the right word.

"Addison" my head snapped up and the thoughts were pushed back inside that deep hole where they belonged. As I looked up I had to put on that smile again. "You were great in there" he nodded towards the glass and the OR inside.

"Thanks" I lowered my eyes to my hands as I fidgeted to get the see through gloves off. "You were good too" I offered when I felt him hovering still behind me.

"So you're…heading home?" he pulled off the small pink bandana from his head and let a hand go through his hair.

"No" I threw the gloves that I had finally gotten off into the trash and turned to face him again, leaning my back against the sinks. "I have a surgery in a few hours so I figured I would just hijack an on call room and pass out" he laughed and I couldn't help but smile. His laugh always had that effect on me. "So what about you?" I asked.

"What?"

"Are you going home?" I spelled the question out to him.

"I should" he nodded slowly. "Meredith is expecting me for dinner…"

There it was. The M word. We both knew it as his eyes darted away from me. Why were we even playing this game?

"Then you should go home" I pushed myself away from the sink and walked by him. I made it all the way to the door before he stopped me. His fingers wrapped themselves around my lower arm and I turned around. "Derek please…"

"Addie" he replied using his nickname for me. Okay so most people called me Addie…he just said it in a different way.

"Didn't you have a dinner to attend?" I asked. I know it was harsh; it was mean…even down right evil. But isn't the truth always evil?

It did however work as his hand let go of my arm and I could push my way through the revolving door out into the corridor. With my eyes closed and all my thoughts on getting my heart rate down I made my way down the corridor with just one clear idea. I needed to rest, to get my mind off these crazy thoughts…to get the game out of my system…if you could even call it a game when not even one move was allowed without breaking the rules…

There was only one free on call room on my floor. There had been some accident earlier and now as the calm was setting over the corridors the new interns took their chance for a few hours rest. But I didn't really mind, as long as I had a bed, things would be great...

I sat down on the small bed as a deep sigh escaped my lips. The sneakers were kicked off to the floor and the white lab coat soon flew down over the lonely chair in the corner. The bed was hard s all the on call room beds were but after all the years of work these were the beds that gave me the most rest. There for it was no strange feeling for me to drift away to sleep only minutes after curling up under the rugged blue blanket…

--

I was pulled from the depth of my sleep by the sound of the door opening. Another bad habit from this job, I woke up just if someone breathed too loud. People always check in these rooms looking for free beds so I figured whoever it was would leave once they realized it was taken. But no – the person closed the door and moved closer until I could clearly see who it was.

Not a word was spoken as he sat down on the outside of the bed. His eyes went over me until he reached my eyes and for the first time in a year I didn't just see sadness in them…I saw when I used to. I saw myself…and I saw the man I used to love. Alright used to may be the wrong term…

"Derek…" I whispered to try and stop what I knew was about to happen.

"Shh…" he leaned down against the bed and without so much as a second of hesitation in the darkness his lips came crashing into mine.

I should have stopped it. I should have been the responsible one. I knew he had a girlfriend who was probably taking the chicken out of the oven as we speak…yet I couldn't. I was emotionally and physically stuck in that moment as the kiss grew deeper and in a way I lost my mind as well along the way…

--

"That was bad" I mumbled later as I tugged the blanket closer around my naked body.

"I thought it was pretty good" he grinned.

"That was not what I meant" I snapped. "You have a girlfriend."

"But you're still my wife" Derek turned to his side so he could see my face. "We have been playing this game for too long now."

"I feel like I need to slam this into your head but you have a girlfriend" I replied, the tone that started out angry was slowly fading as his hand moved under the blanket and drew lazy circles on my stomach. "And we got a divorce, remember that?"

"I hardly know what we are these days" he sighed. "But with you it's simple. I miss you Addie…" there came the eyes at me as well. He sure had a way with the puppy dog eyes that no one else ever could come close to.

"You don't miss me. You just miss simple" I sat up and started to assemble my clothes again.

"That's not true" Derek sat up as well. "I love you Addie."

"Don't do this" I got up and stuck my feet into my sneakers and grabbed my coat. "Just go home to your girlfriend and eat your damn dinner" I didn't mean to sound so harsh, after all it was my fault too. But in the end I was mad. How had I come back to this? How had I once again been the one to ruin a relationship?

"Addison!" his voice was hard as he pushed the door from my hand and closed it. "You need to listen to me."

"Fine so talk" I turned towards him and leaned against the door. I was prepared for a long speech or even just a few well directed words. Instead he cupped my face with his hands and kissed me. It wasn't the passionate kiss from earlier…this one was soft and it meant so much more. It even took my breath away.

"Wow…" I gasped as his lips left mine.

"That's worth more then me saying I love you?" he asked and smiled. "Because I do but if you would rather have me show it then I can."

"Are you breaking up with Meredith?" I asked and the coat dropped from my hand onto the floor. My hands began trailing up his bare chest until I reached his shoulders where they laced together in the back on his neck.

"Yes I am" he said and pulled me closer to him for yet another one of those soft kisses.

"Good" I smiled before I kicked my shoes off again and let him lead me back towards the bed…

_...the past and the future collide with full force around me. No longer can I see the past nor the future...all I have is this moment in time with you... _


End file.
